Most professional fights have weight divisions. But few bouts are ever fought between New York luxury hotels (if any). So why did I mention weight divisions? The answer I shall elucidate in a clause concluding the sentence you are reading now - as inelegant, illegible and inevitably inscrutable as it is - written with the objective of obfuscating the aforementioned answer to the problem posed in the prior paragraph, by prolonging the climax for as long as it can be tolerated, like one of Sting’s seven-hour sex sessions, before capitulating to the human instinct for closure; the reason I have mentioned weight divisions is because today’s post is about comparing two five-star NYC hotels (the Waldorf-Astoria and the Plaza Hotel) with regard to their depiction in cinema - but obviously some films feature said hotels only briefly and some films are in their entirety set within, and therefore to make the comparisons fair they're matched according to amounts of screentime each gets, corresponding to the different weight classes used in combative sports. (Yes, that was all one sentence.) Round 1. Featherweight: features briefly - a couple minutes MAX. Round 2. Welterweight: features partially (let's say up to ten minutes of screentime). Round 3. Middleweight: features quite significantly. Round 4. Heavyweight: the entire film. Round 1: Coming to America (W-A) The actual Waldorf-Astoria appears in Coming to America in only a few exterior shots and no genuine interior on-location shooting to speak of. But we are going by depiction - so how does it fare? An erection is guaranteed - of your country's flag, if you happen to be a monarch. However you have to provide your own topless maidens for cleaning your penis. So be sure to have some in your entourage. Vs. North by Northwest (P) youtu.be/jpQIbgcUDzw We are mostly in the legendary Oak Room, which was shut down in 2011. Modeled after the luxuriant dining salons of German liners, these sumptuous surroundings were used quite innocently by the protagonist of Hitchcock's North by Northwest as a place for a business meeting. However... If you’re dumb enough to call over the porter while he is delivering a message to a kidnapee-to-be when criminal goons are standing nearby, then you may get kidnapped in his stead. And no one will stop you. This is a massive fail on the part of the hotel (as well as yours). Result : The Waldorf-Astoria Round 2: Crocodile Dundee (P) youtu.be/w58ikKrXDjI If you're a yokel with no exposure to cities - let alone to a five star hotel - then you may not know what a bidet is and mistake it for a dunny. In any case, if you're the subject of an article written by a sheila who clearly wants to get in your crocodile skin pants, then you are guaranteed to be offered a suite that is perhaps a little too extravagant for your tastes. Vs. The Out-of-Towners (1970) (W-A) youtu.be/UIWQa7S0Pn8 There are two Out-of-Towners theatrical films; the original with Jack Lemmon, and the 1999 remake with Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn (seven years after they paired up in Housesitter). The latter’s not that highly regarded but I think it’s quite underrated - it does have one or two cringeworthy moments, but it has the more satisfying (if less poignant) ending of the two. Regardless, it's only the original that features the Waldorf-Astoria: While the staff may speak to you with politeness, they are anal jobsworths who won't save your room unless you call ahead (or some such rule I've simplified here for the sake of not having to rewatch to try and understand in finer detail). Result: The Plaza Round 3: Scent of a Woman (W-A) Al Pacino steals the show in this film about a prep school kid entrusted with the care of a cantankerous blind veteran with excellent nasal proficiency. The Walforf-Astoria is where they choose to stay - though, interestingly, there is actually one scene located and filmed at the Plaza's Oak Room. But we are talking five minutes vs. forty-five minutes worth of screentime (besides which, a place they're only dining at doesn't count against the place they're actually staying). So anyway... as for the hotel sojourn, what luxuries do they indulge? Well there's really not much to mention, other than a tailor (and this was for the whole forty-five minutes of screentime). Vs. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (P) As brilliant a film as Scent of a Woman is, there really is no competition here. At the Plaza you'll be given three scoops of ice cream. You can tip the bellboy with chewing gum. And you can cannonball into the (nonexistent) pool. If you're lucky you might bump into Donald Trump. (In the lobby I mean - not the pool!) Result: The Plaza Round 4: Week-End at the Waldorf (W-A) Week-End at the Waldorf is like an updated Grand Hotel (released just the prior decade), which it resembles in only the barest sense. In essence it follows similar themes, borrowing a few ideas. It's a good film, but doesn't have the escapist dreamlike quality and golden age glamour and stars of its predecessor, despite the gains it gets relating to then-current WWII (and also of course the updated production values). The entire film being set in a real-life hotel obviously means it's all just studio sets we're seeing; however in the opening scene we are spoiled by the sets for the foyer and main lobby which are just magnificent and exquisitely detailed. In fact, all the sets are impressive, including other identifiable spaces like the Jade Room and the Tony Sarg Oasis Cafe. But anyway, in the film guests are treated to the services of a barbershop, people who walk your dogs, and even a hotel detective. This is going to be pretty tough to beat. Vs. Eloise at the Plaza + Eloise at Christmastime (P) Sequel Eloise at Christmastime might be the better of these two made-for-TV movies, as its story is more focused - and it does just as good a job as the original of introducing you to the characters of the Plaza and the world of Eloise, so there's no need to watch them in the "proper" order. In both, Julie Andrews as Nanny has a strangely phoney-sounding English accent, even saying "oh, knickers!" as an expletive ostensibly from Limeyland. But at least unlike the actress playing Eloise she doesn't shout her lines all the bloody time. But anyway. If you're a permanent guest the hotel staff will treat you very nice. Room service not only brings you breakfast but will also stay and play with you. You can even charge a chicken Kiev to your room when in the Palm Court and then not even eat it. What better place is there to run riot as a child, getting up to mischief - and get away with it? Incidentally, you can experience an Eloise-themed Afternoon Tea at the Palm Court. Though it seems to me rather more for adults, what with the child-unfriendliness of fine china and glass tabletops. Result: Draw Overall winner: At 2 rounds to 1, The Plaza is apparently the winner. A good thing, because nobody likes a draw. So... instead of a prize of a ceremonial belt(?), the winner gets this: the opportunity to share its grandeur to you, the reader. Enjoy!
0 Comments
|
Author"So er, what are you doing this weekend then, Alan?" Archives
February 2023
Categories |