What I like about The Asylum is that they churn out 99% shit. So when they come out with something that can be felt to be halfway decent, you appreciate it much, much more. Lower your expectations and you won't be disappointed.
Conveniently the sex comedies in their oeuvre equal nine - which as we know is a nice, round and sexy number. So I took it upon myself to watch all 9 and rank them from worst to best. (Okay, I admit it, I did think there were 10 when I started this.) #1 Cheerleader Camp, 18-Year-Old Virgin and Sex Pot I did already cover briefly in a prior post, but I will have to watch them again because of how unmemorable they are. 9. Bachelor Night (2014) The pacing lends this more a made-for-TV vibe than a direct-to-video one - by that I mean the opening feels like it needed to ease into the story more gradually (a criticism common for many action/disaster Asylum films); furthermore the playful incidental music present from the beginning contributes to this vibe... but this is all by the by. It truly feels a real stretch to call this a "sex comedy" per se, as there's only a hint of each in the final product. Nevertheless, just because the sex feels too detached from the focus of the humor, that does not mean I will exclude this tenuous entry. The setting of Las Vegas is always alluring - however the movie somehow manages to miss the mark with this. The characters are unlikable, and there is a dearth of genuinely funny moments, with the humor depending too much on the idea of Sin City itself. Even cutting short the debauchery, it still takes too long to shift gears, with the attempts at humor until this point existing mainly in snappy lines of dialogue. That's not to say comic situations are absent - they're just not funny. The film as a result plods along as a suspense-crime-adventure with a comic set-up rather than as a comedy in its own right, taking itself far too seriously. I really do not want to devote any more words to this mirthless caper - however I realize that due to my rambling diatribe I've neglected to describe the plot. Basically a bachelor party encounters a bachelortte party in Las Vegas, and along the way the groom-to-be and the bride-to-be go missing, ending up as prisoners by a brothel. This should perhaps really be a spoiler, but I really don't care. 8. Bikini Spring Break (2012) Holy fuck. The premise of an all-female marching band getting up to hijinks in Fort Lauderdale as they attempt to get to a competition may sound like it has legs. What we get is tits. And a euphonium. I'm always careful not to give away too many spoilers - but in this instance my lack of forthcomingness for details is due to how forgettable they are. The idea is executed terribly with overly contrived excursions to wet t-shirt competitions and the like, and the stakes feeling like they don't progressively increase enough. Bereft of laughs or even a single smirk, this was a real chore to sit though, and I felt so relieved when it was over. In spite of all this, the movie doesn't take itself seriously in the least and has a sense of "fun", as dull as the final product is. Ostensibly it's a mockbuster of Spring Breakers released the same year. But whereas the aforementioned defies categorization, earning artistic merit with a druggy, visceral experience born from a psychedelic, kaleidoscopic visual style, in Bikini Spring Break there is no visual style. Nor is there any merit, artistic or otherwise. There is no heady crime adventure here, just a conventional sex "comedy"; but if it's any consolation you will feel your soul drained after watching this, just like an acid comedown. 7. Barely Legal (2011) Doesn't offer many surprises. You can guess where the gags are going a lightyear away and, in addition to their obviousness, they're not executed well at all - and neither unfortunately is the paper-thin premise. The premise is basically 3 girls trying to lose their virginities on their shared 18th birthday party. Kinda like American Pie and Can't Hardly Wait I guess. Most of the film takes place at the party - which for whatever reason is in a big luxurious mansion ... where the three apparently live. You'll have to suspend with disbelief on this point ... as well as on many other points too multitudinous to enumerate. In spite of all this, I will give the film merit for sticking with 3 main characters and telling each of their vapid stories. 6. Celebrity Sex Tape (2012) Having a stronger plot than several of the entries here, I was kept engaged, wanting to know what happens next. In short, a bunch of college losers make a celebrity sex tape and are blackmailed into making more. Comedically there were a couple of instances that elicited a laughter response. The hit rate is nonetheless low - and the nerdy tropes in particular do get a little grating. However the attempts at humor aren't overly predictable and dire as with the lesser entries in this list - and the premise alone is amusing enough to carry this movie. Not that this is a recommendation at all. 5. Alpha House (2014) This was released to coincide with Neighbors but escapes the title of being a mockbuster of said movie, due to being given a very different name ('Alpha House'). It does however share its name exactly with 2013 TV series Alpha House, which is of an entirely different genre of course. So what of the film itself? A fraternity and sorority fight a battle of the sexes (or as The Asylum might have called it, a 'war of the genders') to eject each other from a shared building. Which ain't a bad idea for a movie. There's plenty of good ideas in this movie actually. But there are also some terrible gags. You won't be missing a great deal if you decide not to stick with it. What I will say for this film is that it does have more than a semblance of plot - there is a real satisfying feeling of beginning-middle-conclusion. So it may be worth sticking with this after all. (It ain't.) 4. MILF (2010) Without giving too much away, a group of college boys become fixated with MILFs, with one of them hooking up with his best friend's mother ... hilarity ensues. The angle this movie takes may not be all that innovative, but the film nonetheless manages to feel refreshing. The cast do a first-rate job with their comic delivery, and the characters are likable. The plot may be felt to be a bit on the weak side for a good portion, but there is a satisfyingly decent feeling of resolution. 3. Sex Pot (2009) This is a dumb movie. But I'm somewhat fond of it. That may have to do with the charm that Seth Cassell brings playing Mert, the laid-back one of the stoner duo. He's awesome; he really gives life and character and likability to a not-very-good script. I don't even mind the juvenility of the toilet humor. Plot-wise, the duo's adventure isn't a story worth delineating here, to put it blunt. I probably like this movie more than I should, but hey, it's a good thing that I like it at all. It may help that while other movies in this list may feature drugs, this is the only one that fits in the buddy stoner genre. So that probably gives it an extra boost to its worth. And did I mention it was released in 3D!? 2. 18-Year-Old Virgin (2009) I'd given this quite a high score before, so I was quite looking forward to revisiting it to see if anything had changed. My evaluation of it now (in terms of numerical rating) is not as glowing as previously, though my feelings about the film as a whole remain the same. Similar to Can't Hardly Wait it's set mostly at a high school graduation party (with one character seeking to declare his love to his longtime crush). Having a high school age protagonist, there is more a sense of pathos to this film than the ones here featuring college students. This film has quite a bit of sweetness and charm, and is pretty hilarious in places. 1. #1 Cheerleader Camp (2010) This is a fun little movie. Humorous scenes are performed with proficiency, the talented cast - the two leads in particular - having enough comedic chops to elevate the dialogue out of mediocrity. While the film doesn't have much of a plot at first, it doesn't really need one; the setting is fertile enough for japes of the sort to fulfill the scope of this bouncy bit of fluff. However, as the movie develops it gets meatier, and the cheerleading comes more to the fore. The editing and score also seem to me to be of a relatively higher standard. Previously I rated this film lower than Sex Pot and 18-Year-Old Virgin, but now I've changed my position on this: For the record, I rated 18-Year-Old Virgin a 17/20, Sex Pot a 14.5/20 and #1 Cheerleader Camp a 12/20; this time I'd rate them a 13.5/20, 13/20, and 14/20 respectively. Hindsight is 20/20.
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Author"So er, what are you doing this weekend then, Alan?" Archives
February 2023
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